Do you find it tough to be yourself? Is doing the things you like and going about life in a manner which is pleasing to you difficult? Do you feel like you are just always different? Do people misunderstand your actions/intentions? If your answer to any of those questions was yes, guess what? We have something in common!
Well, I think I’m on the way to being myself. No more being afraid of hurting peoples’ feelings at the expense of my happiness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to go out there intentionally causing pain and suffering to people. However, why should I sacrifice my happiness in fear of making someone else sad? Plus, the same people who you try to “protect” could very well be out there doing for them, oblivious to what is going on with you.. (There is more to that statment than meets the eye).
I’ve been running all my life.. The things I’ve been runnning from are finally catching up to me. I think I’m getting ready to confront them.. Years of baggage, years of scars.. looking forward to exposing it all. And hopefully ridding myself of the mental bondage.
This has been somewhat of a tough week for me. Definitely not the hardest week of this year, or anything close to it I don’t think but it has been a “challenge”. Giving thanks for life, and everything I have right now.
Jamaica is in a terrible state where crime and violence is concerned. People are being abducted, men, women and children. Murdered, raped, you name it. Sigh… I’m quite lost as to how we as a nation reached to these levels of crime. I don’t know what the solution to this problem is.. do you?
Economics major, mathematical finance minor..
- That’s what i’m going to college for.. I initially started out pre – med.. don’t know what happened there.. Just didn’t feel like it was for me you know.. more on that later though.
And as for track.. I’m contemplating giving up my track career.. just for a few years… more on that another time i guess..
Who to talk to? Where are my friends? Friends which do not exist because I don’t believe in such. Who am i and what do I like? Once a celebrated champion, now a lost soul.
Pain and suffering continues, like the pain and suffering of a cancer patient..
Wondering what it feels like to hate someone, because love hurts a whole lot..
A sorry excuse for a male is what I feel like.. once again the days move slowly, dragging on..
Take me away dear Lord, take me away to a place where I can be happy, discover happiness.
My biggest weakness, a woman..
I’ve climbed mountains, and done spectacular things but a woman, a woman is my kryptonite.
Do men really get hurt? I just can’t understand why I feel soo hurt, I thought this only happened to women..
It hurts so much.. but life continues, as usual. ”Life goes on”
I was here before.. call it de ja vu..
The pain the hurt the confusion all too familiar. Just 3 mnths ago I was in this same predicament, but i fought and fought – many sleepless nights. And guess what? Back to square frigging one..
Coming to terms with who I am is hard. Maybe because its hard to be who you want to be when you care so much about what people think about you. So you end up being who you think people what you to be.
I’m so over people right now, family included..
I want a dog.. I will give a dog a try as a friend, companion.. even as a child or something. Totally done with people.
Soo tired of people..
sigh..
Why love? Seriously..
I feel like I don’t know myself.. I don’t know who I was, who I am or who I am going to be.. I don’t know shit right now.
Thank goodness for wordpress though.. the friend that never talks back. It just listens.
Socially inept..
I am looking forward to when I get on my Barack Obama status..
November, my month, a challenging one. Back to square one.. I think I just don’t learn from my mistakes or I like being unhappy. Story of my life. The only thing I can say that doesn’t go that way is school, and I pray it doesn’t change.
*Listening to I got five on it remix by the Luniz.*
Food for thought?
November is seeming to be a bit of a challenge..
I have been doing really well with challenges in the second half of this year..
I’m looking forward to feeling proud of myself for handling the challenges well..
Note to self: Some relationships are harder than others. But isn’t everything in life? So why stress..? Many things are “hard” before they become easy.
Note to self part 2: I have so much I could be doing in life to feel great about than to spend my time being confused over stuff that will eventually work themselves out.
Training: So a couple people have been saying that i’ve gotten “bigger”, more muscular etc. The scale however is being a bit flirtatious with me, quite flirtatious at that. One day I’m 167lbs, the other I’m 172lbs.. (this is at 7:30am before breakfast and after a workout). Nevertheless, I’m on target to meet my weight goal so it’s all good in tha hood, ya feel me?
Training part 2: Whats up with all the fast people on this track team? Got damn! Can I feel fast and on top of the world for one day? My word.. Hmmm.. maybe it’s just my approach! They are fast, yes.. BUT I AM FASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*My thoughts on world domination aka Barac Obama*
Good luck with those votes brother, and be careful what you wish for.. (thats all i’m gonna say)
Life is good. Life is good. Life is good. Life is good.
Strangely I’ve been having good days without actually planning them out to a tee. This is a bit of a new phenomena for me, the pseudo sporadic nature of my life, but I like it. I don’t plan on relying on it to get me where I want to go in life (wherever that may be) but it is somewhat of a nice change to the militant routine I am accustommed to. Nevertheless, I think the religious, routine approach is what works best for me, so I will definitely get back to it. November will be a great month for me.
Distractions distractions distractions…
After getting into a little bit of trouble at school a teacher once said to me, “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” Something to think about.
I am definitely going to use part of this weekend to set some goals for the end of the year and develope a new schedule, or “action plan”. I like doing this. It gives me a sense of purpose, it’s like a syllabus for my life. Till then I will enjoy the haphazard niceties life throws at me each day. Life is good.
MIA as in missing in action and not the artist responsible for paperplanes or the swagger likes us hook. Yes, I’ve been MIA for some time now. Where to start, where to start?
No where actually, lol. I don’t owe anyone an apology, lmfao. Life is good. I have been struggling somewhat to regain the focus and direction with which guided me 2mnths ago, but I am confident that with a little more effort and discipline I will return to my winning ways.
Over the last 2 weeks my daily routines have experienced marked changes and I attribute this changes to my seeminly “lost” demeanor – lifewise. Not to worry, as I said earlier, I am working arduously to correct this, my will be done!
Track
Track has been going pretty well. Maybe too well, which is why my life is so confusing right now. I think more than anything I need to either set some new priorities, or revisit the ones which have been somehow smokescreened over the last month or so. I think the latter is the better choice.
Anyhow, Life is good.. I’ve been slacking a bit I know, I will correct that, ASAP!
